Friday, November 9, 2007

classified ad

We're thinking of starting a day care business. A doggy day care, that is. It appears pretty easy. There's not a lot of start up costs. A tennis ball or two and some old socks tied in a knot. You get exercise. They give you someone to talk and laugh with. I don't know.... what do you think? Here's the ad we would put in the paper.

Now Accepting Your Dog
at the Premier Doggy Day Care and Spa
in town!

Daily Services Provided

Two well-balanced meals.
Morning and afternoon snack.
Aerobics AND play time.
Story time.
Training.
Etiquette and manners (not to be confused with Basic Training).
Daily massage, reflexology, and facials.
Basic hygiene (brushing).
Lots of love.

Days and Hours Available
7 days a week
7 a.m. to 6 p.m.

Optional Services (aka additional fee)
We can pick your 4-legged friend up in the early morning hours (so you can get to work on time).
Baths.
Nail clippings.
Ear cleanings.
Potty training.

Cost
Free to family members and friends.
(Gratuities, and dinner invites, accepted....)

TESTIMONIES:
Kona (5 year old): "This is the bestest place on earth!"
Mr. Porter (1 year old): "They love me, they love me!"
Sadie (3 year old): "I love the extra treats we get!"
Timber (unknown): "Why can't I come to Doggy Day Care too!"

Daily Routine (these are actual photos and not reenactments)
Each dog is welcome with open arms and lots of love when they arrive at the DDC&S. Sadie (the resident dog) is encouraged to greet them in the driveway, as they arrive, with a stuffed toy in her mouth and tail wagging. Butt sniffing follows.

Meal time: All dogs are fed breakfast promptly upon arrival. Food of choice is Pedigree Lamb and Rice. Although each dog is fed in their own bowl, they all tend to navigate towards the pink doggy dish. Confession: Some days we don't know which dogs actually eat because one dog might eat food out of two bowls (or all three) and another dog might not eat at all.

Story Time: Each day the dogs get a story. You can see how excited they get for story time! Their favorite hero is Lassie. Confession: This really isn't story time... They're trying to encourage Mike to go outside and play with them....


Play time. Dogs get plenty of exercise at Doggy Day Care and Spa. We have no choice.... When Kona feels it's time to go outside and play, she starts staring at Mike. That activates the chain and pretty soon Sadie is following suit and Mr. Porter.... well.... Mr. Porter is just an innocent bystander who doesn't really know what's happening but goes along for the ride.


Play time is also learning time. Here they're learning to play Follow The Leader.


Snack Time.
Once the dogs have completed play time, they get a snack. Confession: They're still learning the meaning of "1 cookie"....


Nap Time. Dogs get their choice of sleeping quarters. Nothing's too good for our dogs. Confession: We don't allow Mr. Porter on the couch at nap time because, well, because there simply isn't enough room for him.

Aerobics: Dogs get the opportunity to pick their aerobic exercise of choice. One of the favorite though is tug of war with the sock where Sadie pulls Mr. Porter around the living room floor on his belly. This is great cardiovascular exercise and tones not only the chest muscles but leg muscles as well. For Mr. Porter, it's just fun! Confession: We give them old socks to play with because we're too cheap to keep buying expensive dog toys.

Quiet Time aka "time out." Each day we have "time out." This is important for the dogs to learn they can't always be in a frenzy mode, barking at every noise, pestering the owners for treats or to go outside and play ball.... Confession: It's also vital for the owners of Doggy Day Care. It's when we regain our sanity; it's how we're able to turn around and do it again the next day. And as long as Mike sits in his chair, life is good. But the minute there's movement, all dogs are on alert and ready to resume activity. Needless to say.... Mike also has a lot of down time during the day!

If you would like your dog to be a part of this exceptional environment, please contact 555-DOGS for an interview. Doggy Day Care and Spa welcomes all breeds. No puppies please.

3 comments:

Georgia said...

You whimped out - you put a fake phone number in!!! Chicken!!

Yep, those puppies look like they're at the spa. I think you should include some Alaska native foods in their daily meals - like sautee'd bear, or poached salmon, or back strap from deer. Or Moose Munch. Ok, OK, so that's really not Alaska food - but our dog thinks it's a real treat and she's not even a northern breed.

jeanetta said...

you maybe joking about this but i have been meaning to tell you that you should start something like this up. no kidding you should,

tracy said...

porter & his owners are very grateful for the doggie day care & spa, although I wouldn't subject you to bathing him!

I see he lays down to eat at your place, too, huh? he started that as a puppy & never outgrew it.